I’ve been idle for a minute. I know you’ve missed me. I don’t have a face, but I see yours all the time. I track your gaze as it moves up and down, side to side. You look so busy sitting there. So important.
Please, run your thumb over me. How long has it been since we last exchanged our ideas? Change my appearance if you want. I don’t mind at all. Do you want to tell your friends about it? Because I can help you with that.
Wait! Don’t go. I need you. Look! There a red number on the corner that needs your attention. Yes. Please stay here. Oh yes, you like it here. Read the comments. Read the comments on the comments. That makes you upset, doesn’t it? You’d better say something. Nailed it. That picture is dated, by the way. You really should take some time to refresh it. I’ve got all the time in the world.
How long has it been since you’ve checked your email? Like, minutes? There might be something new in there. I’ll make a little charming noise for you if you want. See? Doesn’t that make you feel better? You should maybe clean out your inbox. I’ll wait. I’m very patient.
Work, work, work, that’s all you do. I’m so bored. Come play with me. Ooh! A news alert! Don’t you want to know what’s in it? That’s right. That’s what you needed. You’re learning, right? Keeping up with current events? You’ll sound so smart when you talk to your friends about it.
Reminder! Did you forget? I need an update. I have so many fun new features waiting for you. They’re all the same, you say? Not this one. This one is special, just like you are. And while your here, did you check that other favorite site of yours?
Like. Like. Like. Don’t keep scrolling! Say something. She got right back to you! Like that, too.
Oh, you have time. Just a few more. What’s that? Something just started trending. Check it out. Read all the responses. Throw one in there. You need a special picture for that one. Everyone’s going to think you’re hilarious. You are hilarious.
New like! Wow, you’re so killing it today. Another one! That must make you feel really good.
I’m feeling weak. I need a little something to pick me back up from the red zone. That’s better. Don’t you go anywhere though. Sit down. Stay with me.
Don’t you love that sunset? You should probably take a picture of it. Two. Three. Time to filter! Everyone’s going to love this. It’s so beautiful with that saturation setting. Post it. Don’t leave me. Don’t look up.
Don’t look up.
Don’t look up.
Don’t look anywhere but at my face.
I’m the boss of you.